Chapter 5

“I have so many questions.” Jed felt overwhelmed and nearly dumbstruck. “The first being… how could you possibly know things you weren’t conscious of or not being your point of view? That makes no sense.”

“Shared memories.” Cain had been quite emotive during his telling of the events that led him to be labeled the first killer. As he listened to Jed’s questions he went back to his neutral, more current self.

“Can you elaborate on that?”

“No.” His immediate and final response gave no room for argument, but Jed’s face showed clear disappointment. “Not now. Our time to speak is drawing to a close. I’ve spent too much time here already.”

“Okay, later then.” Jed took a moment to gather his thoughts for the next question. “Did you ever find out if that demon was telling the truth? About God, and I’m guessing Satan.” Probably  a sensitive subject but likely the most important one.

“Oh, yes.” A slight upward movement of his brow lent some weight to his answer. “When next we have time like this, I’ll share that experience. Neither you nor I are ready for that. You must spend some time adjusting to your new reality and I… Need time to think.”

“You keep alluding to being short on time, but it’s the afterlife isn’t it? All I have is time. I’m not going anywhere.”

“My concern does not lie with you Jed.” A look of fear shifted across Cain’s face. “The last time I was here was an accident. This created a… misunderstanding with the one who ‘manages’ the souls here. You will meet this entity in due time.”

“Welcome back. Cain.”

Jed believed that he had experienced fear before. He was wrong. He had always been able to act on his fear, run or fight. His reactions have never failed him. This was different, his mind vaulted past fear and landed squarely on acceptance. Whatever fate had in store for him, he would lie down and wait for his end. There was no running from this. Why even try?

Jed saw Cain’s eyes grow wide and his hands begin to shake. True fear has no equal.

“Hello, Death.” Cain’s voice was barely a whisper. “I’m sorry to have made my way here again. If I may have your leave, I’ll be going.” Cain looked ready to bolt, but he made no move to do so.

“You. Do not.” Jed couldn’t see anything or anyone the voice could be coming from. If it could be called a voice. Jed heard the words, clear as day, but the sound was difficult to define. He heard shifting sand, waves crashing, gusting winds and buzzing insects. The sounds shifted and blended together from moment to moment. It was maddening.

“If we could consult my creator-,” Cain began.

“Your creator. Broke the rules. On soul. One life. You are. Not. Special.” Death made its appearance at the edge of the camp. It wasn’t shrouded, not in any physical sense, but there was a darkness around it. A deeper blackness than any Jed had seen in his life. In the darkness Jed could make out a form, ever shifting, always changing. From moment to moment it was different forms of beast, man, and other formerly living things. Looking upon it confounded Jed to the point that he couldn’t look directly at it.

“I have never claimed to be. God-.”

“Ha.”

“My creator chose me for a task. I didn’t request the duty that I was given. I would gladly give my soul to you if it were possible. I’ve been alive for too long.”

A sound like rolling thunder, heard miles away, came from Death. Jed guessed it was laughing? He couldn’t look at it… them? To find out.

“Over these. Millenia. You should. Have died. Hundreds of times. Over.” A sound of roaring flames and far off screams. Jed would not want to know what that indicates. “Your. Work. While fruitful. Has not. Balanced. The scales.”

Jed looked toward Cain. He was shaking violently. He also avoided looking toward the horror that was Death. To be singled out in all of creations as a problem, by the final aspect of life. Jed wouldn’t trade places, even if it meant he could go back to the world of the living.

“What would you have me do? My creator and the one they made the wager with have not tired of this game.” Cain began weeping silently. “They won’t let me rest. I hunt and hunt and still, they aren’t satisfied.”

More distant thunder. It was laughter.

“You hunt. The wrong. Prey.” The thunder grew louder and was accompanied by falling rain.

Cain’s face was shocked and he actually looked at the shade. “What do you mean? What have I been doing all of this time?”
Death sounded like a full thunderstorm now. Jed clapped his hands over his ears but it did nothing to block the sound.

“Your ‘GOD.’ Cares. Not. For their. Creation.” The sound of the storm died away and was replaced by the buzz of insects. Jed almost sighed in relief. “Ask the. Fallen. One. Who accompanies. You. They. Know more. Than. They say.”

Cain couldn’t look more betrayed if he tried. “Asbeel. They have watched me for three millenia and said nothing” How do you know this?”

“I. Observe.” The sound of lightly falling rain. “I preside. Over. My domain. I ensure. The. Rules. Are followed. Nothing. More.”

Jed saw fury behind Cain’s eyes.

“Thank you, Death.”

“Entropy.” Far away crows could be heard in their words.

“What? I don’t understand.”

“You. Soon will.” The ever shifting figure turned Jed’s way. “You may. Remain. In this facsimile. If you. Wish. Cain. May need. Assistance. With his. Task.”

Jed could not look at Death. Entropy?

“I reckon I could do that.” Jed didn’t really understand, but he wanted to be done with this interaction.

“Cain.” Entropy returned their gaze to Cain, and Jed felt relief wash over him. “I. Can not. Say. How long. Your task. Will take. I am. Bound to. Time. Unlike. Your creator’s. First children.” The hiss of shifting sands. “However long. It may. Take. You. Have my. Leave. To return. And seek. Assistance. From Jed. Here.”

“Thank you.” Determination is what Jed saw now.

“Do not. Wander. Do not. Seek. Any other. Or your. Soul. Will be. Forfeit. “GOD.” Or not.” Distant sound of crashing waves.

Cain simply nodded his ascent.

“Good. Now I. Leave you. To discuss. Your plans.” Entropy began fading into nothing. “Good luck. Cain. Son of. Adam. And Eve.” These last words pattered like a gentle rain.

Cain slumped and started laughing, while Jed heaved a huge sigh of relief.

“That could not have gone any better!” Jed saw Cain smile for the first time and the man he should be if not for higher powers. He knew they could work together when he saw that man. Maybe even be friends. “It seems that Entropy has softened in these last thousand years.”

“So, I know I’m dead and all, but that really just happened? That was literal Death?” It was Jed’s turn to start shaking.

“The last time I arrived here, they were the only being I met. The things they knew and what they did certainly lead me to believe that they are Death personified. So to speak. Entropy as a manifestation. Though what exactly that means, is a mystery.”

Jed just nodded along, his mind so overwhelmed, that processing the things he has learned made it impossible to do anything else.

Cain’s jovial disposition was soon replaced by a serious one. His eyes looked into Jed’s and Jed felt his mind clear a bit. Time to make plans.

“Entropy was kind enough to allow me leave to meet with you. So, our time limit is effectively gone. With that in mind, what would you like to discuss first? I have said my piece as to why this all began, but I’m sure you have questions.” Cain relaxed a bit but his expression remained one of control.

Jed was surprised.

“Don’t you want to discuss your plans going forward?”

Cain’s expression softened.

“Mr. Thompson, Jed, we have time enough to do such things. I have taken your life from you. I owe you some understanding and clarity about a great many subjects.”

“I guess that’s true.” Jed felt very small and slow. What the hell is important for me to know now? “Cainm, if I’m being honest, I can’t even begin to judge what I need to understand about my situation. My mind is moving like cold molasses right now. Which… that makes no sense. I’m dead. Why does my mind work at all?”

“That is an excellent question. One I have been asking myself for quite a long time.” Cain suddenly waved his hand and a chair appeared before him.  Jed felt his mind wake up. He was flabbergasted. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t think that would work.”

“What the hell? What did you just do?” Jed stood up and walked over to where the chair stood. He didn’t want to sit in it or touch it at all. The compulsion to do both felt like it was coming from someone else.

“The first time I arrived in the ‘afterlife’ so to speak, I had many of the same thoughts you are having now.” Cain waved his hand again and the chair became a simple stool. “If we are souls, attached to Earthly bodies, that would explain much about this place.” He began to wave his hand again then stopped. The stool became a grand throne. Dark wood carved with an elaborate crest at the head. “It would explain much, but not everything.”

Jed sat down hard on the ground. His mind was wide awake now, swirling with questions and he couldn’t hold on to any of them.

“What? How? I don’t…”

The throne became a bucket, became a broadsword, became a lantern, and continued in this manner for a minute or so. Shifting between various objects without any fanfare. No smoke and mirrors, no flashes of light, just one form into the next. It was all the more bizarre for how mundane it seemed.

“I have been all over the living world. Have seen things that seemed to defy any level of understanding. What many of them had in common was simple, human trickery. As long as I have wandered the Earth, so few things have come as a surprise.” The shifting object settled back into a simple wooden chair.

“I say this because there was a time I was traveling in the mountains of what is now called China, at least in your country.” The chair vanished. The smoke, no sound, just gone as if it had never been. “I spent time there among a sect of monks who had taken vows of silence. As you can imagine, communication was difficult at first.”

Jed had finally given up on trying to understand his situation. He sat on the ground and listened, feeling like a grade schooler and not caring in the least.

“A perk of assuming a person’s form is knowing their language. I learn about the person and their memories in a different way, but their language is built in. Oddly convenient, don’t you think?”

Jed simply nodded, letting Cain’s voice wash over him.

“Anyway, after arriving at their monastery, having dispatched the victim I was hunting, I had taken on the form of a local deviant. I asked for their help in reforming my ways and they were glad to do so.” Cain had taken on a far away look as he recounted the past. “They have a monk or two whose job it is to speak to visitors or new members. They rotate out every week or so. They made me take a vow of silence before entering the monastery proper, but once I did, I didn’t utter another word for 15 years.”

Jed blinked slowly, unable to comprehend 15 years of silence. Somewhere in his conscious mind a tiny voice wonders where this is all going.

“Over that time, I learned many ways of communicating without speaking. Most of which are quite subtle. Small changes in expression, hand gestures, a shift in posture, things that people do every day while having the freedom to speak. Just refined to the point of incredible efficiency and utility.”

The marshall shifted a bit. He wasn’t uncomfortable, just beginning to get bored. It’s strange getting distracted by the thought of sleep.

“Alright, I don’t mean to drag this on. I haven’t had the opportunity to speak with someone for quite some time. At least not someone who wasn’t trying to kill me.”

“What about Asbeel? They are always around. I’m sure you could have some interesting conversations with them.”

Cain didn’t scowl but Jed could see that there was discomfort in that idea.

“Asbeel is… difficult. They have been with me since this task or trial, such as it is, began. However, they are unknowable. They are a fallen angel with a deep resentment for humanity and that’s as much as I can tell you about them. For three thousand years we have traveled together and they know me better than my own mother ever did. Meanwhile they are a cypher I couldn’t possibly hope to break.”

“Three thousand years and that’s all you have?” Jed couldn’t believe that.

“I have heard conflicting retellings of their past a countless number of times. Their mood can change on a whim. They also don’t experience time like we do. Their past, present, and future is happening at the same time. I don’t know how they can be present for all of that at once and still be sane. Who’s to say they are sane? There is plenty of evidence to say they aren’t.”

“They already know what’s going to happen? All the time?”

Cain shook his head.

“For them it’s not like that. It’s already written, but it changes with every decision. They see the possibilities, but it shifts from moment to moment. The farther they look to the future, the more varied the possibilities become.”

“So, what’s the point? That sounds like torture.”

“I’ve tried asking Asbeel about it. By all accounts their description of how they see time and experience reality sounds like torture. According to them it’s not, it’s just how it’s always been and always will be.”

Jed and Cain sat in silence for a few moments. Then, a sudden realization hit Jed, like a sucker punch. He reeled back and audibly gasped. Cain grinned, already knowing why.

“So, you see the real horror of it.”

“What about free will?! They can choose, but every choice gets a determined outcome?” Jed looked ill.

“They don’t see it that way. What little I could get from Asbeel made it seem like they are happy just being able to make a choice at all. They think humans just flounder about, hoping for the best and they aren’t entirely wrong.” Cain just shrugged.

“What, so did they know they would be cast out of heaven? Could they see the ware before it even began?”

Cain looked off into the distance. The sun, or its facsimile, was high in the sky.

“Asbeel won’t discuss the war or their fall from grace. Can’t say as I blame them, but I’m sure the discussion will come up again. Them and I are going to have quite a talk when they return.”

Cain’s face grew stern. Asbeel might be able to see possible futures but Jed thought they aren’t prepared for this encounter.

“Well, we got a little sidetracked. What was I talking about?”

“Monks and communication. Though I am a bit lost as to why.”

Cain laughed.

“Okay, Jed, I see your point. What I was slowly getting to with my rambles was this.”

Another object appeared from nowhere. This time a sword. Jed couldn’t place it but he felt like he had seen one like it before.

“The afterlife appears the way it does because it uses the mind of its inhabitant. Or, in this case, inhabitants.” The sword, a gladius as Jed remembered, went through different phases of quality. First, brand new and gleaming, then slowly appearing to dull, chip, and rust. It was remarkable to watch.

“I simply think it, and it happens. Well, simply would be a bit of an understatement. The object has to be clear in the mind and the belief that it will appear has to be absolute.” The sword crumbled into dust and vanished.

“I don’t think I could do this if not for my time with the silent monks. Clarity of mind and thought were instrumental in my time there.”

“So, after all of this, I still don’t know why I am capable of thought. Or, why it feels like I am still alive, knowing full well that I am not.” Jed was growing frustrated. As amazing as all of that was, he couldn’t grasp why it mattered to his situation.

“I think, therefore I am.” Cain sat up straight and offered a smug grin. “To put it plain, I believe our souls or spirits are one and the same with our minds. You can’t have one without the other. If I’m right, it would mean that every living thing in existence has a soul and a place in the afterlife.”

Jed was done with all of this. His head hurt and he was growing more tired by the second. Which didn’t make any sense!

“You know what? I think I’m done for the day. I know it’s ridiculous, but I need sleep. My mind is cooked and I don’t want to keep going down this rabbit hole with you. Not until my mind is right again.”

If Cain was put out by Jed’s declaration, he made no show of it.

“Alright Jed. It’s been quite the day, for everyone. I’ll head back and give you some time. Should you want to talk, just ask Asbeel to let me know.”

“And, how do I do that?”

“Just think you would like to speak to them. They’ll show up quickly.”

“That’s it?” Jed couldn’t take much more of this situation. Not without sleep.

“That’s it.” Cain shrugged. Full well knowing how ridiculous this all is. He’s just been in it for so long it felt normal.

“Okay. Well, get out of here. I need some time alone and I need sleep. Something normal in all of this madness.”

Cain nodded and stood up.

“I just want to say I’m sorry for getting you mixed up in all of this. I probably could have found a way to shake you off the trail, but you were quite persistent. Didn’t leave me much choice.”

Jed just shook his head and waved Cain off. The time for talking was over for him.

“Rest well.” Cain turned and vanished.

Jed blinked and shook his head. He didn’t think he would ever get used to that. Then again, he would have to get used to a lot of strange things moving forward. Whatever that meant, now that time had effectively stopped for him. He suddenly began weeping out of his control. So, he laid down and let himself weep. Maybe things will look better after some rest.

End Chapter 5